can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
