I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
