My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
