Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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