You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
