What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
