Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
