ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
