That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
