We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
