Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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