i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
