i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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