Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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