You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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