I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
