Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
