just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
