No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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