I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
