The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
