I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
