meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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