Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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