Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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