Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
