dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
