I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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