i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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