and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
