Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
