Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
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Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
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I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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