Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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