I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
