hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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