Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
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You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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