it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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