Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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