dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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