Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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