New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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