I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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