the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
