jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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