He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
