my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
