i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
