there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize