Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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