Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
