Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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