You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i love accidental penises.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
