Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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