Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
