I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
