apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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