An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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