i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
