We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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