That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
