He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
whose ass print is on the piano?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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