According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
