it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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