the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
