Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
