Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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