More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
