How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
