I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
