My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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