i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The air was thick with penises
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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